#502 Dark FlowThe Pioneer anomaly is due to the force of my love.
#503 TerminologyAlso, is it just me, or do Japan and New Zealand look suspiciously similar? Has anyone seen them at a party together?
#504 Legal HacksIt's totally a reasonable modern analogue. Jefferson would have been all about crypto.
#505 A Bunch of RocksI call Rule 34 on Wolfram's Rule 34.
#506 Theft of the MagiEvery Roomba needs a dueling harness.
#507 ExperimentationI understand large sample sizes are key to a low standard error of the mean, but the entire sophomore class?
#508 DrapesWait, what?
#509 Induced CurrentThe MythBusters need to tackle whether a black hole from the LHC could REALLY destroy the world.
#510 Egg Drop FailureI hear my brother Ricky won his school's egg drop by leaving the egg inside the hen.
#511 SleetI mean, I can barely hear myself complaining about Battlestar Galactica.
#512 Alternate CurrencyFor the first time ever, the phrase 'I'd like to thank everyone at 4chan for making me successful and happy' is uttered.
#513 FriendsFriends with detriments.
#514 SimultaneousI'm leaving you for your twin. He's more mature than you by now.
#515 No One Must KnowOr perhaps they knew he was there, and were just trying to torment him first.
#516 Wood ChipsYou didn't run a chemical analysis against the Shroud of Turin? Man, all that work for NOTHING.
#517 Marshmallow GunExcept in reality crossing a stream of marshmallows would create a giant Bill Murray.
#518 Flow ChartsAt 8 drinks, you switch the torrent from FreeBSD to Microsoft Bob. C'mon, it'll be fun!
#519 11th GradeAnd the ten minutes striking up a conversation with that strange kid in homeroom sometimes matters more than every other part of high school combined.
#520 CuttlefishUnless the CS students finish the robot revolution before you finish the cephalopod one.
#521 2008 Christmas Special'How could you possibly think typing 'import skynet' was a good idea?'
#522 Google TrendsObama has been writing Lincoln/Obama erotic fan fiction on his secret livejournal. Excerpt: Lincoln lay back on the bed, nude save for his trademark stovepipe hat. 'Tell me,' he purred seductively, as he and Obama formed a more perfect union. 'When you come, is it 10% ethanol?'
#523 Decline'There's also a spike on the Fourier transform at the one-month mark where --' 'You want to stop talking right now.'
#524 PartyI wonder what 2008 meme will go bizarrely mainstream in 2009 like Rickrolling did 2007-2008. I Accidentally <noun>? Yo dawg? Place your bets now!
#525 I Know You're ListeningIt's basically Pascal's Wager for the paranoid prankster.
#526 Converting to MetricAccording to River, 'adequate' vacuuming systems drain the human body at about half a liter per second.
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