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#953 1 to 10 If you get an 11/100 on a CS test, but you claim it should be counted as a 'C', they'll probably decide you deserve the upgrade.
#954 Chin-Up Bar Those few who escaped found the emergency cutoff box disabled. The stampede lasted two hours and reached the bottom three times.
#955 Neutrinos I can't speak to the paper's scientific merits, but it's really cool how on page 10 you can see that their reference GPS beacon is sensitive enough to pick up continential drift under the detector (interrupted halfway through by an earthquake).
#956 Sharing In the new edition of The Giving Tree, the tree uses social tools to share with its friend all the best places to buy things.
#957 Development Funding was quickly restored to the NHC and the APA was taken back off hurricane forecast duty.
#958 Hotels 'Rating: 1/5. Room filled to brim with semen, and when front desk clerk opened mouth to talk, bedbugs poured out.'
#959 Caroling For a thousand generations we vowed never to forget how his soldiers feasted on our brother Stephen.
#960 Subliminal Once you see it, you can't help seeing it every time. Until your body finishes metabolizing the mushrooms.
#961 Eternal Flame There's always the hope that if you sit and watch for long enough, the beachball will vanish and the thing it interrupted will return.
#962 The Corliss Resolution And no avian society ever develops space travel because it's impossible to focus on calculus when you could be outside flying.
#963 X11 Thomas Jefferson thought that every law and every constitution should be torn down and rewritten from scratch every nineteen years--which means X is overdue.
#964 Dorm Poster I was going to record an album with that cover under the name "PINK FTFY", so it'd come after them on the store CD rack. But at this point music stores are just rooms where CDs are set out to age before they're thrown away, so probably nobody would see it.
#965 Elements Of all the nations, the armies of the ununoctium-benders are probably the least intimidating. The xenon-benders come close, but their flickery signs are at least effective for propaganda.
#966 Jet Fuel The 'controlled demolition' theory was concocted by the government to distract us. '9/11 was an inside job' was an inside job!
#967 Prairie Colorado is working to develop coherent amber waves, which would allow them to finally destroy Kansas and Nebraska with a devastating but majestic grain laser.
#968 Everything I wanna hold your hand so I don't fall out of your gyrocopter.
#969 Delta-P If you fire a Portal gun through the door of the wardrobe, space and time knot together, which leads to a frustrated Aslan trying to impart Christian morality to the Space sphere.
#970 The Important Field I hear in some places, you need one form of ID to buy a gun, but two to pay for it by check. It's interesting who has what incentives to care about what mistakes.
#971 Alternative Literature I just noticed CVS has started stocking homeopathic pills on the same shelves with--and labeled similarly to--their actual medicine. Telling someone who trusts you that you're giving them medicine, when you know you’re not, because you want their money, isn’t just lying--it’s like an example you’d make up if you had to illustrate for a child why lying is wrong.
#972 November November marks the birthday of Charles Schulz, pioneer of tongue awareness.
#973 MTV Generation If you identified with the kids from The Breakfast Club when it came out, you're now much closer to the age of Principal Vernon.
#974 The General Problem I find that when someone's taking time to do something right in the present, they're a perfectionist with no ability to prioritize, whereas when someone took time to do something right in the past, they're a master artisan of great foresight.
#975 Occulting Telescope Type II Kardashev civilizations eventually completely enclose their planetary system in a Dyson sphere because space is way too big to look at all the time.
#976 Sail It only works a few times before you have to capsize the boat in a soap lagoon again.
#977 Map Projections What's that? You think I don't like the Peters map because I'm uncomfortable with having my cultural assumptions challenged? Are you sure you're not ... ::puts on sunglasses:: ... projecting?
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