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#552 Correlation Correlation doesn't imply causation, but it does waggle its eyebrows suggestively and gesture furtively while mouthing 'look over there'.
#553 Pirate Bay We find you guilty of closing your torrents as soon as they finish. Your sentence is unremovable Hungarian subtitles on everything.
#554 Not Enough Work It's even harder if you're an asshole who pronounces <> brackets.
#555 Two Mirrors If you actually do this, what really happens is Douglas Hofstadter appears and talks to you for eight hours about strange loops.
#556 Alternative Energy Revolution The moment their arms spun freely in our air, they were doomed -- for Man has earned his right to hold this planet against all comers, by virtue of occasionally producing someone totally batshit insane.
#557 Students The same goes for the one where you're wrestling the Green Ranger in the swimming pool full of Crisco. You guys all have that dream, right? It's not just me. Right?
#558 1000 Times And 0.002 dollars will NEVER equal 0.002 cents.
#559 No Pun Intended Like spelling 'dammit' correctly -- with two m's -- it's a troll that works best on the most literate.
#560 Lithium Batteries I'm normally a pretty frugal person, but I still compulsively buy any R/C aircraft that's less than $30. In the last few years, this has become a problem.
#561 Well I'll concede ergonomics anecdotally, but none of the studies of Dvorak were at all rigorous (the most-cited Navy study was overseen by Dvorak himself). And the 'slow typists down' thing is a myth. Also EMACS RULES VI DROOLS WOOOOOOO!
#562 Parking Police reported three dozen cheerful bystanders, yet no one claims to have seen who did it.
#563 Fermirotica I love how Google handles dimensional analysis. Stats are ballpark and vary wildly by time of day and whether your mom is in town.
#564 Crossbows I hate being the slowest guy in the lab.
#565 Security Question Let's invite him to a party and play 'I never'. Okay, I never hid any bodies SOUTH of Main Street. ... he's taking a drink!
#566 Matrix Revisited I actually remember being entertained by both the sequels while in the theater. They just don't hold up nearly as well in later comparison.
#567 Urgent Mission Sure, we could stop dictators and pandemics, but we could also make the signs on every damn diagram make sense.
#568 Well 2 But I've made $13.72 already today! Ow, stop throwing pennies.
#569 Borders Eventually a UN is set up. And then a lone rebel runs down the line of flags in front of it, runs back to his base, and gets a kajillion points.
#570 New Car Somewhere out there is a company that has actually figured out how to enlarge penises, and it's helpless to reach potential customers.
#571 Can't Sleep If androids someday DO dream of electric sheep, don't forget to declare sheepCount as a long int.
#572 Together This scavenger hunt is getting boring. Let's go work on the treehouse!
#573 Parental Trolling They'll pick music and culture that they know annoys you. Building in behavioral easter eggs is a fair retaliation!
#574 Swine Flu Bad flu epidemics can hit young adults hardest because they provoke their powerful immune systems into overreaction, so to stay healthy spend the next few weeks drunk and sleep-deprived to keep yours suppressed.
#575 Tag Combination I love Eileen / and want you to love her / When you're around / I'm one floor above her / If you could see / just how much I adore her / Oh, that pretty red dress / I'd do anything for her / (Too ra loo ra too ra loo rye ayy)
#576 Packages Day six: 'The hell? Who mails a bobcat?'
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