#677 Asshole[Shortly thereafter, at a nearby bakery] ::CRASH:: ::RUMBLE:: ::VRRRRRR:: '... I don't know, officer. It just scooped up an entire rack of scones and drove away!'
#678 Researcher TranslationA technology that is '20 years away' will be 20 years away indefinitely.
#679 Christmas PlansPhysicists who want to protect traditional Christmas realize that the only way to keep from changing Christmas is not to observe it.
#680 December 25thIf you're turning 27 and were born in the Northeast, maybe you were conceived in the April blizzard of 1982. Imagine: snowed in, candles, massage oil, your mom sporting nothing but her early 80's haircut and a smile ... aren't you glad you read the title-text?
#681 Gravity WellsThis doesn't take into account the energy imparted by orbital motion (or gravity assists or the Oberth effect), all of which can make it easier to reach outer planets.
#682 ForceForce-choking the chicken.
#683 Science MontageThe rat's perturbed; it must sense nanobots! Code grey! We have a Helvetica scenario!
#684 We Get ItThe most brutal way I've ever seen someone handle this was 'Oh, you have a girlfriend. Are you going to get married?' 'I, uh, don't know--' 'Well, do you love her?' '...' 'Anyway, what were you saying about the movie?'
#685 G-SpotThe BBC lead was 'The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it.' I couldn't read it with a straight face.
#686 Admin MourningAnd every day it gets harder to fight the urge to su to the user and freak people out.
#687 Dimensional AnalysisOr the pressure at the Earth's core will rise slightly.
#688 Self-DescriptionThe contents of any one panel are dependent on the contents of every panel including itself. The graph of panel dependencies is complete and bidirectional, and each node has a loop. The mouseover text has two hundred and forty-two characters.
#689 FIRST DesignPool on the roof must've sprung a leak.
#690 Semicontrolled DemolitionI believe the truth always lies halfway between the most extreme claims.
#691 MicroSDThat card holds a refrigerator carton's worth of floppy discs, and a soda can full of those cards could hold the entire iTunes store's music library. Mmmm.
#692 Dirty HarrySci-fi has energy weapons because otherwise the people like me who watch it get distracted counting shots.
#693 Children's FantasyI was going to be a scientist, but that seems silly now. Magical worlds exist. I've learned a huge truth about our place in the universe. I'm supposed to care about college? I mean, FUCK.
#694 Retro VirusHe says this is the year of Linux on the desktop! The world of Windows will fade any moment now!
#695 SpiritOn January 26th, 2274 Mars days into the mission, NASA declared Spirit a 'stationary research station', expected to stay operational for several more months until the dust buildup on its solar panels forces a final shutdown.
#696 Strip GamesHOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF STRIP GLOBAL THERMONUCLEAR WAR?
#697 Tensile vs. Shear StrengthAlthough really, the damage was done when the party planners took the hole punch to the elevator ribbon to hang up the sign.
#698 You Hang Up FirstNo, YOU stumble past a series of post-breakup hookups in a daze as you slowly realize what you've lost and how unlikely you are ever to get it back first.
#699 TrimesterAlso, it's not like anyone actually calls up the Nobel committee to double-check things.
#700 ComplexionWhy do all my attempts at science end with me being punched by Batman? (P.S. benzoyl peroxide soap works great.)
#701 Science ValentineYou don't use science to show that you're right, you use science to become right.
![[Shortly thereafter, at a nearby bakery] ::CRASH:: ::RUMBLE:: ::VRRRRRR:: '... I don't know, officer. It just scooped up an entire rack of scones and drove away!'](https://img.comicstation.store/comics/xkcd/677/0.png)
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