#2271 Grandpa Jason and Grandpa ChadThe AARP puts the average age of a first-time grandparent close to 50, and the CDC has some data. But I don't have first-parent age distributions for specific names, or generational first-child age correlations, so the dotted line is just a guess. Still, let's be honest: No further research is really *needed.*
#2272 Ringtone TimelineNo one likes my novelty ringtone, an audio recording of a phone on vibrate sitting on a hard surface.
#2273 Truck ProximitySee also: Farm animals and dinosaurs. I am so confident that there exists children's media that involves dinosaurs driving trucks on a farm that I'm writing this without even Googling to check.
#2274 Stargazing 3If we can destroy enough of the lights in our region, we may see more comets, but that's a risk we'll have to take.
#2275 Coronavirus NameIt's important to keep the spider from touching your face.
#2276 Self-IsolateTurns out I've been "practicing social distancing" for years without even realizing it was a thing!
#2277 Business GreetingsWe have email and social media now, so we probably don't need to keep exchanging business cards by pressing them gently against each others' faces with an open palm and smearing them around.
#2278 Scientific Briefing"I actually came in in the middle so I don't know which topic we're briefing on; the same slides work for like half of them."
#2279 SymptomsThis medicine says it may cause lightheadedness, dry mouth, and blurred vision, but my head feels incredibly heavy, water is pouring from my mouth, and I can see individual hummingbird wingbeats, so I think I'm fine.
#2280 2010 and 20202030: "I just bought a house for one bitcoin. No, it's the equivalent of a dollar. Houses are often transferred for a nominal fee because the buyer is taking responsibility for containing the holo-banshees in the attic."
#2281 Coronavirus Research"Also, reading 500 coronavirus papers in a row and not sleeping? Probably not great for you either, but I haven't found any studies confirming that yet. I'll keep looking."
#2282 Coronavirus WorriesOffscreen, bottom left: Whether the custom :coronavirus: Slack react emoji you just added was public domain or whether you should have put a Creative Commons credit somewhere
#2283 Exa-ExabyteTo picture 10^18, just picture 10^13, but then imagine you connect the left side of the 3 to close off the little bays.
#2284 SabotageSo excited to see everyone after my luxury cruise home from the World Handshake Championships!
#2285 Recurring NightmareOh thank goodness, I forgot my clothes, so now everyone's looking embarrassed and backing away.
#2286 6-Foot ZoneTechnically now it's a 34-foot zone.
#2287 Pathogen ResistanceWe're not trapped in here with the coronavirus. The coronavirus is trapped in here with us.
#2289 Scenario 4Remember, models aren't for telling you facts, they're for exploring dynamics. This model apparently explores time travel.
#2290 Homemade MasksI'm going to change the sign so the pole is horizontal and the sign is mounted on the front like a plunger, so I can carry it around like a lance to gently push people back if they try to approach.
#2291 New Sports SystemUnder my system, boxing and football suffered, pair figure skating still worked but had to adapt by dropping some moves, and pro wrestling was actually completely unaffected.
#2292 ThermometerI hate how many times you have to press it to get to the system normal people use, degrees Rømer.
#2293 RIP John Conway1937-2020
#2294 Coronavirus ChartsAdding data for South Korea but with their cases scaled to match the population of Japan and the land area of Australia, and vice versa.
#2295 Garbage Math'Garbage In, Garbage Out' should not be taken to imply any sort of conservation law limiting the amount of garbage produced.
#2296 Sourdough StarterOnce the lockdown is over, let's all get together and swap starters!
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