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#1590 The Source Why did we even have that thing?
#1591 Bell's Theorem The no-communication theorem states that no communication about the no-communication theorem can clear up the misunderstanding quickly enough to allow faster-than-light signaling.
#1592 Overthinking On the other hand, it took us embarrassingly long to clue in to the lung cancer/cigarette thing, so I guess the real lesson is "figuring out which ideas are true is hard."
#1593 Play-By-Play The thrower started hitting the bats too much, so the king of the game told him to leave and brought out another thrower from thrower jail.
#1594 Human Subjects After meeting with a few of the subjects, the IRB actually recommended that you stop stressing out so much about safety guidelines.
#1595 30 Days Hath September There's a cool mental calculation hack I recently learned for this: If you open the calendar app on your phone or computer, the highest-numbered box along the bottom is equal to the number of days in the month!
#1596 Launch Status Check Visual checks suggest the cool bird has exited the launch zone. Tip the rocket sideways and resume the countdown--we're gonna go find it!
#1597 Git If that doesn't fix it, git.txt contains the phone number of a friend of mine who understands git. Just wait through a few minutes of 'It's really pretty simple, just think of branches as...' and eventually you'll learn the commands that will fix everything.
#1598 Salvage My hobby: Taking advantage of the rice myth by posting articles on "how to save your wet phone" which are actually just elaborate recipes for rice pilaf.
#1599 Water Delivery When I was a kid, I asked my parents why our houses didn't have toothpaste pipes in addition to water ones. I'm strangely pleased to see Amazon thinking the same way.
#1600 MarketWatch Markets have been rocked by a second day of uncertainty after someone set up a giant Ouija board on the NYSE wall controlled collectively by the movement of the stock tickers.
#1601 Isolation 2060: The gregarious superintelligent AI, happily talking its way out of a box, is fast becoming a relic of the past. Today's quantum hyper-beings are too busy with their internal multiverse sims to even notice that they're in boxes at all!
#1602 Linguistics Club If that's too easy, you could try joining Tautology Club, which meets on the date of the Tautology Club meeting.
#1603 Flashlights Due to a typo, I initially found a forum for serious Fleshlight enthusiasts, and it turns out their highest-end models are ALSO capable of setting trees on fire. They're impossible to use without severe burns, but some of them swear it's worth it.
#1604 Snakes The last band of color indicates the snake's tolerance for being held before biting.
#1605 DNA Researchers just found the gene responsible for mistakenly thinking we've found the gene for specific things. It's the region between the start and the end of every chromosome, plus a few segments in our mitochondria.
#1606 Five-Day Forecast You know what they say--if you don't like the weather here in the Solar System, just wait five billion years.
#1607 Supreme Court Writing for the majority, Justice Kennedy called the man's arguments that he could be either Alito or Ginsburg "surprisingly compelling, but ultimately unconvincing."
#1609 Food Combinations If anyone tries this on you, the best reply is a deadpan "Oh yeah, that's a common potato chip flavor in Canada."
#1610 Fire Ants Here in the entomology department, we have a simple two-step formula for answering any question: (1) ants are cool, and (2) we forgot the question because we were thinking about ants.
#1611 Baking Soda and Vinegar Sure, it may not meet science fair standards, but I want credit for getting my baking soda and vinegar mountain added to the Decade Volcanoes list.
#1612 Colds The contagious period ends right around when you start to sound sick over the phone, which is probably evidence of cold viruses evolving to spread optimally in the workplace.
#1613 The Three Laws of Robotics In ordering #5, self-driving cars will happily drive you around, but if you tell them to drive to a car dealership, they just lock the doors and politely ask how long humans take to starve to death.
#1614 Kites [Dog returns with the end of a string in its mouth] [Voice drifts down from the sky] Kites are fun!![[Dog returns with the end of a string in its mouth] [Voice drifts down from the sky] Kites are fun!](https://img.comicstation.store/comics/xkcd/1614/0.png)
#1615 Red Car That guy only drives an alkaline car to overcompensate for his highly acidic penis.
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